Richard Meros

On the conditions and possibilities of Helen Clark taking me as her Young Lover
Richard Meros

"The decade's runaway underground publishing hit" - David Cohen, NZ Listener.

"Best avoided by the squeamish." - The Guardian

"Its an odd book... its a really odd book and its a mix of cod-philosophy and ladish musings. Machiavelli meets Nabakov meets Philip Roth. I don't know." - Kim Hill, Nine to Noon, Radio New Zealand

"Apparently Piggy Muldoon never inspired similar sentiments." - Carbone and Money, The Age

"Nothing if not thorough" - Sam Finnemore, NZ Listener

And there it goes (fair or foul, Ump?) into the bleachers, via a wiki page and a link to Helen Clark's.


Richard Meros salutes the Southern Man

Re-released in 2012 with an introduction by Duncan Sarkies and the script of the theatrical adaptation by Arthur Meek and Geoff Pinfield.

“I salute you, Richard Meros, for reawakening me, and I stand behind you or beside you (whichever you prefer) and I join you, humbly and fervently, in your salutation of the Southern Man.” – from the introduction by Duncan Sarkies, Two Little Boys, Scarfies

On the first edition: “Meros ... (is a) literary spirit to be greatly encouraged, prankster descendant, dare one say it, of Laurence Sterne. And I can think of no higher praise than that.” - Guy Somerset, The Dominion Post,

Buy this book

Beggars and Choosers: The Complete Written Correspondence between Richard Meros and Creative New Zealand volume one

Love, they say, does not make the world go round. Therefore, in 2008, as debit recedes into credit, Richard Meros, author of “this decade's runaway underground publishing hit” (NZ Listener, August 2, 2008), is faced with issues more pressing than young love – he has to pay the rent.

While, the beneficiary industry may take care of his base needs, Meros now must woo another benefactor, he must bat his eyelids and smile coyly all in the attempt to attract the attention of Creative New Zealand.

“It's simple to get on the dole or the sickness benefit,” Meros contends.

“But for those really keen on fiduciary buoyancy, the grand prize sin qua non, is a grant from Creative New Zealand.”

Yet the task proved a true challenge, as the institute’s fickle gaze scanned its suitors and settled elsewhere.

“As I struggled to accept the platitudes of rejection I realised that my time would have been better spent writing an actual book rather than accruing the sample pages and other assorted minutiae required by a funding agency,” Meros explains.

“As I stacked the screeds of rejection letters to be ceremonially burnt I realised that maybe, after-all, I had written a book. And so I christened it Beggars and Choosers: The Complete Written Correspondence Between Richard Meros and Creative New Zealand Volume One.”

"Though CNZ and Meros’ relationship is often fraught with heartbreak, it is a joy to watch the progression as it blossoms into this darkly hilarious collection." -


Privatising Parts
Richard Meros

Meros to Key: Privatise Love or suffer the same fate as Clark!

When Helen Clark failed to heed the logic of Richard Meros’ On the conditions and possibilities of Helen Clark taking me as her Young Lover in 2008 she also lost the leadership of the nation. But Helen’s error does not stand alone. In 2008, according to Treasury, errors in love not only cost the New Zealand economy a whopping $600 million in lost productivity, but an immeasurable quantity of happiness.

Amongst Aotearoa’s saddest of the sad is Richard Meros. Embittered blog postings from the Left made him fear for his safety. Like Salmon Rushdie evading his fatwah, Meros left his fixed abode for a life of freedom camping. Embittered, and with only a shonky laptop and a Toyota Townace to his name, Meros analysed Helen’s failure.

His answer came in the form of the unassailable logic of free market economics: Helen failed to take Meros as a Young Lover for she was already contractually obliged to a monogamous relationship.

“To save such future errors,” Meros claims, “the National government needs to privatise love. Only the private sector’s know-how and can-do, along with glorious technological advancements, will dissolve the nation’s heartache.”

The only problem: how can Meros convince the leader of the National Party, the Rt Hon Key, that the policy of Privatising Parts is what his constituency needs?

Buy Privatising Parts

Zebulon: a cautionary tale
Richard Meros

Jean Paul Sartre's Being and Nothingness was an ethical treatise of life during wartime. But outside of lives lived at war, what compels people to any sustained action or belief? This problem is central to the subconscious of the characters who surround author Richard Meros in his Zebulon and the sub-plot involving Che Guevara's resurrection on the occasion of the millionth sale of a t-shirt bearing his image.

When Richard Meros tries to recapture the frisson of his first novel he is drawn into a series of bizarre encounters with other lost youth. Experiments with S and m, codeine and swimming result in the start of some new writings, Los Noches, of which Meros is only tangentially the author. The happy ending all characters are searching for are met with by the protagonist of Los Noches, but the fate of the first book's characters is more realistic: financial responsibilities, boredom and curmudgeonly egos put a stop to youthful experiments.

Buy Zebulon

Easy Whistle Solo 
Richard Meros

If the exact trajectory of the author of this book is extended via the present, linear direction then in 2029 the author will be the protagonist of this book. If the exponential trajectory of the author’s first love is also mapped then this book will chart a future as clear as the arc of the sun. If all turns out as suggested then Easy Whistle Solo will be as much a tale of revelation as it is a novel.

Oh yes!: it is easy to whistle by your self. You can whistle for an afternoon, or you can whistle for a whole life. Richard Meros found his tune and whistled his way to 49 years of a life left alone to over-zealous, but under-appreciated writing and escapist travel. When he meets the daughter of a woman who had consumed his love — aorta and all — he is thrust back into his compelling world of lust, confusion and absurdity.

Some words of praise for recent works by Meros:

“...every establishment, however small, needs an underdog to nip at its heels. In Wellington, the artist known as Richard Meros and the publishing collective, Lawrence & Gibson, have emerged as the pack with loudest yaps and the best-placed nips.” - The Dominion Post, 2011.

“gleefully scattershot satire” - NZ Listener, 2011

Easy Whistle Solo Postage options (below)

$30 Meat Pack: The Complete Written Correspondence between Richard Meros and Creative New Zealand vol two
Richard Meros (and friends)

$30 Meat Pack is the second volume of correspondence between Richard Meros and Creative New Zealand, following on from Beggars and Choosers which Scoop Review of Books called a ‘devilishly clever work of satire’.

Volume two sees a right wing government champion art for the sake of the nation, restructuring Creative New Zealand and reorienting artists away from glum navel gazing and towards a bright future of belt-tightening.

Featuring applications such as Baby Boomer Funeral, Hugo's there! Mr Chavez what are we to do about our right wing government? and Dating Westerners: tips for the new rich from the developing world.

$30 Meat Pack Postage options

Dating Westerners:
tips for the new rich of the developing world
Richard Meros

These days globalisation is on everyone's lips... but have our considerations of world trade focussed too much attention on goods and too little on  love?  And why is it that the new rich from the developing world can possess all that they see on TV except Westerners?

Dating Westerners wants to help. With textbook precision and openness uncharacteristic of the subject Meros explains the motives, mysteries and myths behind the Western body and mind.

Richard Meros spent two years travelling the Orient, watching the mistakes of Eastern peers. He offers the results of his study to the new rich of the developing world in the hope that they will seduce the declining West and in the process, save us from ourselves.

PRESALES (will ship on March 5)

Buy Dating Westerners

... and with Nestor Notabilis...

I know someone who knows someone who knows Kevin Roberts quite well
Nestor Notabilis

With an Explanation and Historical Introduction by Richard Meros

After a chance encounter with Meros on the banks of Christchurch's Avon River, Notabilis embarked on a pilgrimage to meet Kevin Roberts (the worldwide CEO of advertising agency Saatchi and Saatchi and author of the branding bible Lovemarks) in the hope of learning the secrets of success through the wily means of marketing.

Complete with a Kierkegaardian reading of Lovemarks, discussions on anti-Christchurch sentiments and colourful digressions on such luminaries as Robert Rakete and Kevin Costner, I know someone who knows someone who knows Kevin Roberts quite well displays Notabilis' whimsical wit and charm as he attempts to traverse the three degrees of separation which keep him from marketing guru Kevin Roberts.

Lawrence and Gibson are proud to introduce Nestor Notabilis and his debut book I know someone who knows someone who knows Kevin Roberts quite well to the stables of the Lawrence and Gibson publishing collective.